累了

夜深人静, 寂寞就像尸体般浮到水面…

感觉很痛苦…想哭, 泪却出不来; 想笑, 没什么能让我开心…不想活了, 但也不知道该如何死…

饿到胃酸, 我是在自虐; 暴饮暴食, 我是在自我惩罚… 反正不管我怎么对它, 都觉得不舒服…

看悲剧弄自己哭只会让我觉得自己可悲…更糟的是… 剧情再伤感, 我还是无动于衷…

就算眼泪掉了出来, 也是因为我觉得自己很可笑, 竟然须要用这种方式来自我刺激…

我该让自己继续这样吗? 把自己弄哭…岂不是自讨苦吃? 让人家弄哭? 我不想受伤害…

刚刚在书店看到了一本书, 里面有很多很多的图画, 都是用电脑画出来的…好喜欢哦…我顿时有一股冲动想打电话给妈妈…想要告诉她…我不想继续在这里读了…我很辛苦…..

我后悔了…但是回想当时…我并没有其他选择…就算是有…一切的一切…都变成了过去…

没办法退后, 不想向前进, 也不可以原地不动…甚至要找一个可以让我倾诉的对象, 在这里可说是一个都没…

沉默, 为了隐藏我的脆弱 ; 不在乎, 纯粹不要让自己受伤… 我不是故意的…我已找不到任何更好的方式来掩饰…常常要人家娱乐..自娱…实际上我是在自愚愚人…

好想念家人, 想打通电话给他们, 我最终还是没那么做…因为, 当我想起他们的时候就想哭…明明是为我好, 我却用”难过”来报答…要是在电话的另一端哭了,会让他们担心…我办不到…所以宁愿把所有的委屈咽下…也不让家人知道…朋友都个忙个的…我不想打搅…

我…太自私了吗?

我…太任性了吗?

我…该如何是好?

我…不知道…



写着写着…眼睛已经哭肿了…不喜欢自己一个人, 不喜欢这地方, 好想念你们, 好讨厌自己-----为什么到现在还不能独立呢?

A Day Of My Life

I THOUGHT that I might get better today. This morning was a great "adventure". A predicted one.

I THOUGHT that today's nightmare has ended.

In fact, I'm wrong. Too naive to believe in almost everything.

Things forever happened beyond what I've predicted... ON ME

I know that you're unintentional. And I'll assume that it's an accident.

Not because I'm trying to cover you. You're NOT worth for me to do so. It's simply because you're not important to me. YOU DON'T!

Suppose, I'm in good mood, although doing things I don't really enjoy, it's FRIDAY. But you... RUINED my day!!!

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

"HELL YOU"

Gone...

As yesterday end,
Today begin.
As today end,
Tomorrow begin.
As tomorrow begin,
Today ENDED.

It's over.

Treasure Hide

Today is a fine day. The sunny sky created an immense contrast within me. I’m feeling strange, an emotion which I would never encounter before I was here, something that I will never take it seriously in the past, simply because they NEVER appear. They DON’T.

This feeling is excruciating. I’ve tried my best but it is in vain. I found no way to pull myself apart from it, even though I realized that once it happens, the impact is beyond what I can bear. I can’t stop it. Perhaps I haven’t learned the method to do so.

Previously, I used to be a talkative one, but now I had learnt to bury every single thought of mine. I’m the innocent one before, but now I’m the one who makes things complicated. Before that, I got contented easily, but now everything seems to be unattainable.

Flashing back, the former “me” appears to be the naive one. Looking forward, the later “me” is much more complex. Think deeper, the current “me” DO helped me a lot in adapting the environment. Despite so, I’d prefer to remain. The fact is, I can’t.

I don’t want to, yet the atmosphere is suffocating. Finally, I’ve found an alternative. There’s something such as “pretend to be”…

Philosophy of Rainfall

Speaking about outing during rainy days, first thought in majorities’ mind: bring umbrella. Typically, two persons would share an umbrella. Oh please, nobody likes to carry sunshade along their ways. So they’ll prefer to SHARE. Here comes the subject. If two people are sharing, who is going to hold the umbrella? Well, for me the best choice is by taking turns. Fair enough.

Nevertheless, one of them sure will hold it for a longer time. Who cares? This is out of my concern anyway. My focal point is, do you like to be the umbrella holder or you prefer others to shade you?

Firstly, let us learn about the “possessor”. They’re always the one who gets wet even though under the umbrella. At all times, a larger portion is given to their partners. Their anxieties focused on whether their loved ones are comfortable. Keeping them free from the downpour is as if their obligations. They’d rather sacrifice themselves, as long as the one by their sides remains warm and snug.

Conversely, the one who is sheltered really enjoys a great time. They’re having fun viewing the atmosphere. They hop around to avoid mud and water puddles. “Eww…disgusting!” Some of them exclaim when the rain water drops on their skins. I’m envious of them, honestly.

You'll choose to be the former or the latter?

Gazing across the horizon, an impending storm is in sight. I stood lone in the cold, surrounded by frozen hearts...

Obscure …

Most of the time, people tend to be optimistic, TOO optimistic. No doubt, they’re good in giving all types of condolence that correspond to your situation. When you’re unsatisfied with your old sandals, they’ll remind you: Some individuals don’t even have legs. When you’re very selective on your diet, they’ll say: Africans don’t have food to eat. When you’re blaming your parents for over-restricting your activities, they’ll utter: Not everyone has parents to care for them. When you got knocked down by obstacles in life, and again, they’ll jog your memory: Think of others who don’t even stand a chance.

Complaint does not indicate ungratefulness. It is human being's innate nature to seek for the better. Because we have legs, we want a pair of nice shoes. Because we have enough food, we choose the one taste enhanced. Because we have parents, we hope that they’ll understand us. Because life is hard, we need to distress.

Every single person is NOT the same. Appearances, characteristics, preferences, talents, attitudes… none of them are alike. They are DIFFERENT, totally. The same goes to what a soul yearns for. Everybody has dissimilar desires to be fulfilled. And surely, there must be separate ways to comply them. If you’ve done something wrong and someone condemns you, don’t accept too blatantly that you’re wrong. They got upset because you did not do things the way they expected, not for the reason that you idea is unacceptable.

Older generation used to say that one should change the atmosphere, but not to change themselves according to the surrounding. Ironically, plants modified their genes so that they can adapt to the harsh weather in order to survive. What a confusion! Therefore, two discourses appeared and men were divided into two extreme categories. “To change” and “Not to change”.

Eventually, most of them were mentally “modified”. They started to conceal their real self and they were accepted by the so-called humanity. In reality, they ostracized themselves up. As time passed, they will forget about the original them and the most horrible thing is they will lose themselves. For those who remain, they bump into many problems: Their decisions and actions will be forever against the majority. This is the group which society claimed as “the odd one” and they’re always being neglected.

Life is full of hopes indeed, but the scariest part is when you look up to the sky, there is no star. Although absence does not fully deny its existence, humans need assurance. They yearn for security. Although we know that we’re permanently in one’s heart, sometimes, still, we’re likely to forget as we don’t SEE. We need someone to be with us when we’re under stress, someone to comfort us when we’re in sorrow, someone to talk to when we’re facing difficulties, someone to look after us when we’re sick...

and the list goes on and on...